Sunday, March 4, 2018

ASHES

We have had the ashes of our deceased spouses in the spare room since I moved here a year ago.  A couple of weeks ago I was lying in bed in the morning thinking about what to do with Max' ashes.  The thought of sprinkling them near our previous home in the north no longer appealed.  It seemed like throwing them away and I go there only infrequently now.  At breakfast that morning Doug said that he had been thinking about what to do with the ashes.

When his late wife died he had bought two ash plots in Helensville where they had spent their whole life until moving to Whangarei in 2008 but he has not been back there since that move.  Doug had thought it through more than me and wondered whether we could purchase a burial plot and put their ashes in and ours as well when the time comes.  He phoned the Undertakers and the lady thought it sounded a good idea and she, in turn, phoned the cemetery who got back to us and said we could do that.  Next day we went to the cemetery and chose a plot.

When we asked the very nice man in charge of cemetery he said he was not allowed to recommend a stonemason but gave us a couple of cards and suggested we shop around.  On the way home we went to a showroom in town and looked at some headstones.  The following day we phoned another one in a village just out of Whangarei and went out there.  No showroom but a lovely big workshop (I think Doug had workshop envy).  He was a delightful young man and it turned out that the other stonemasons in town send him any headstones that need repair.  

We chose a headstone and told him what we wanted as far as wording.  Doug is putting his parents names on the stone as they don't have a headstone.  The draft was done with our names on as well and we have approved it.  (Our names don't go on until the inevitable happens)

Last Monday we went to the cemetery and buried the ashes.  When the headstone is ready we will have an unveiling and any members of the family that want to can come then.  There will also be room later for the ashes of any other members of the family that would like to be laid there.

We both feel that we have made the right decision.

12 comments:

  1. That sounds very nice.

    My father's widow, as far as I know, has my father's ashes just sort of kicking about their house. It's certainly her decsion to do with them as she pleases, but it would be nice for there to be a 'resting place' for his remains for family to visit.

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    1. I got in touch with both my stepchildren to make sure they were happy with the decision. It seems as though it is quite common for people to hold ashes in the house. As I was writing this I was wondering what happens to them when the "holder" of the ashes dies.

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  2. Well done you two, It is such a relief to get this sort of thing tidied up. When my mother passed my father announced that he was purchasing “nitches” for all of their children. There are four of us and all four of the siblings and my parents nitches are on the same wall. Personally I’m very thankful that has been taken care of.

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    1. Yes, Doc, it is good to have this sorted. It is also good that we know there is room for any other members of the family who wish to be placed there.

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    1. Yes, and one more tick on the list of things to do.

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  4. My late mother in law has been divided in two; half is buried in Brighton, and half here. I wonder what she would have thought of that?

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  5. A good solution to something that can be such a sensitive subject.
    My husband's ashes are still in the garage, waiting for inspiration to strike me, as he never had any thoughts on where he would like to be scattered. It was not really a subject for discussion when he was alive.

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  6. How funny.. I live in Helensville.. I have followed Cro for about 3 years.. what goes round...

    Jo in Auckland, NZ, via Helensville!!

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  7. I don't know if you realise but Cro is my brother. Doug's grand-daughter has just moved to Helensville.

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